Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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