If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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