Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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