Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
