I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
foreskin is a definite game changer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
