You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
