WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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