You really coming over, don't trick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
