I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
