Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize