wrigley field is MILF paradise
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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