I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
