Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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