we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
