You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can't motorboat a personality
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
