So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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