Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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