i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How's work?
Spinning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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