ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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