How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize