What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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