listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
