Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.