My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.