I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not