you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic