Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
