Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
