I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
