She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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