yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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