It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
