party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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