i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
