He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
