Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
