My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
