My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
