Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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