i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
