your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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