I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
