you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
