There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
