Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize