But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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