i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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