You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
