I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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