Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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