her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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