So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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