Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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