A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think my moral compass just broke
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
