Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize