if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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