Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming