Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?