I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.