Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.