This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...