A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....