I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
