The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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