wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
