Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
