New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize