ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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