I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He did a backflip because drugs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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