she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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