Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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