He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
