It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
