Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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